Hear me out.
If you've been reading magazines and websites the last few years, you have probably been told that you are surrounded by "toxic" friends.
This list suggests 10 friends you can "kick to the curb" (rude) and this one goes so far as to say they're sabotaging your happiness, while this one makes the case that forgetting a birthday is an offense worthy of friendship termination. This handy guide that calls them "poisonous" and suggests "how to get rid of them" as if they're vermin ironically calls for the dismissal of your "worst critic" and friends who "have no respect." Know what's critical? Calling human beings poisonous. Know who has no respect? Friends who feel entitled to perfect friends who exist only to build them up all the time.
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There are absolutely abusive, miserable, and soul-sucking friends you don't need in your life. But what all of this advice does is obscure the difference between truly unhealthy friendships and friendships that consist of flawed human beings that are not always a walk in the park. You and your friends deserve better than outright dismissal for being imperfect and human. The types of friends below are hard to have, yes. But it can be better for you and for them to establish boundaries and communicate rather than ditch each other.
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The "Forever Alone" Whiner
This friendship is definitely exhausting, mostly because all of the reassurances in the world don't seem to make this friend feel better. But they are also single in a world that constantly, relentlessly tells them they should be partnered. Also, being in a relationship is shown to be good for your health and well-being. So their suffering is real, it is not just self-pitying moaning. This is not toxicity, this is loneliness. And unless the chances of your current relationship lasting are 100%, you will probably need this friend at some point later when you're feeling all alone.
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The Romantic Critic
This friend is known for being the first to notice that your new boyfriend or girlfriend is not quite perfect, and that bums you out. During relationships, they are the likeliest to call out your partner's shit when you secretly want your friends to help you justify ignoring their bad behavior.
It is tempting to think that this friend is just jealous. They aren't — they just aren't playing your "yes man" because they know you deserve better than the treatment you're getting, and others are sometimes able to see our worth better than we can. A good friend will certainly not relentlessly pick on your partner when they aren't doing anything wrong, but when they notice a pattern of bad behavior and call it out, it is for your benefit and not their own. Keep them around; they'll be awesome during a break-up.
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