Got an ounce of Italian blood in you? This is your life.
1. Thou shalt have a wardrobe that is approximately 57% animal print, regardless of your gender.
2. Thou shalt always refer to Italia as the motherland. It doesn't matter that you've only been once.
3. Thou shalt refer to other semi-Italians as "paisan", no matter how tenuous their Italian ethnicity (or yours, for that matter).
4. Thou shalt have special affection for the Pope, even though you're not especially religious.
5. Thou shalt only drink Italian wine. More importantly, thou shalt know your Sangiovese from your Sagrantino.
6. Ditto cofffe. Lavazza 'til you die.
7. Thou shalt always defend Snooki and Pauly D. Paisan.
8. Thou shalt go through phases of dabbling with highlights and streaks, but always return to your native brunette. Che bella/o.
9. Thou shalt be secretly attracted to Tony and/or Carmela Soprano.
10. Thou shalt honour thy cast of all three Godfather movies. Yes, even Sofia Coppola.
11. Thou shalt always have to spell your name out for people when on the phone, even though it's pretty phonetic.
12. Thou shalt have at least three middle names, one of which is Maria/o.
13. Thou shalt be loyal to thy ancestral region above all others. Neapolitan 4 lyf.
14. Thou shalt be convinced you're somehow related to every other half-Italian you meet. "OMG, we're both from Avalino?! Cousins!"
15. Thou shalt turn your nose up at Jamie Oliver's Italian restaurants, but secretly own the cookbook.
16. Thou shalt shun people who pronounce bruschetta "broo-shetta". Honour thy hard k sound.
17. Thou shalt have big hair, and not care.
18. Thou shalt gesture more than is deemed normal.
19. Thou shall have felt Adriana La Cerva's passing as deeply as if she were a relative.
20. Thou shalt have always admired her nails and abs deeply.
21. Thou shalt embrace laser hair removal.
22. Thou shalt be snobby about your olive oil, and NEVER cook with extra virgin.
23. Thou shalt adore Martin Scorsese, and his eyebrows.
24. Thou shalt possess a "Hug me, I'm half-Italian" t-shirt.
25. Thou shalt honour thy fresh pasta, and turn thy nose up at wholewheat.
26. Thou shalt realise the importance of passata in just about every dish.
27. Thou shalt feel at home in Little Italy, or any local Italian quarter.
28. Thou shalt purchase San Pellegrino, Baci, Ferrero Rocher etc at every available opportunity.
29. Thou shalt honour thy large, loud family. They shout not in anger, but in exuberance.
30. Thou shalt shun "American style" pizza and embrace the thin crust.
31. Thou shalt only really enjoy chips from your relatives' chippies.
32. Thou shalt attempt to speak Italian fluently only when intoxicated - and actually find you're quite good at it.
33. Thou shalt wear fake tan in the long winter months, because your tan is your thing.
34. Thou shalt have a strange affection for Super Mario and Luigi.
35. Thou shalt eschew grated mozzarella. If it's not in a ball, it's not the real thing.
36. Thou shalt realise that cappuccino is a breakfast drink only.
37. Thou shalt have the Godfather theme song as your ring tone at least once in your life.
38. Thou shalt only really care about Milan Fashion Week.
39. Thou shalt honour thy Italian designers. Donatella, Miuccia, Stefano, Domenico, Valentino...
40. Thou shalt forever attempt to emulate Sophia Loren's eye make-up and pout.
41. Thou shalt always support Italy in the World Cup.
42. Thou shalt prefer Prosecco to champagne.
43. Thou shalt realise that there is no such thing as being part Italian. If it's in the blood, you're all in.
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